


Love without the Memories

by SweetTears_XIII



Category: Final Fantasy Type-0
Genre: Angst, Feels, Feelz, Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Continuation, Sorry Not Sorry, after kurasame death, bitter sweetness, lost lovers, post-death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5862547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetTears_XIII/pseuds/SweetTears_XIII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once returning back to Arcadia after the battle in which the l'cie Caetuna has died, Nine is just ready to go to sleep. However, after going to the grave sight of their former commanding officer, he has mixed emotion and confusion. Though in his room Nine finds something which makes him wish he could keep the memories he had lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love without the Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Yello there  
> So I haven't completed the game so bear with me on some facts, but after Kurasame died I needed to get out my emotions before I cried myself to sleep. So have this one-shot (maybe more???) of my OTP in the game.

        Upon arriving back to Arcadie, Nine couldn’t wait to get some sleep. Two battles back to back was quite tiring and even though many had died, he had become numb to the truth. Since he couldn’t remember them then he had no reason to feel remorse or true sympathy on their death.

        “Nine!” Queen called out before the blonde could leave to his room for the day, receiving a ‘yo?’ in response. “Look, I know you don’t remember him and how you feel on going to the cemetery, but you should go to see Kurasame’s grave.”

        An irritated groan left the blonde. “Why should I? Like you said, I don’t do that shit yo. You and Cater know my ways, I ain’t doing that.”

        “But you are today.” Queen challenged him, crossing her arms. “I already talked to Mother about it and she said you should go also.”

        “Why did you have to do that yo?!”

        “Because he was our commanding officer. At least go see him out of respect.”

        Clenching his teeth, Nine had no other desire than to go all out on the nerd yet something was holding him back. As if something would be- no… someone would be disappointed. Taking in a deep breath, the blonde sucked up his pride.

        “Fine… I’ll go if it please you, your fucking highness…”

* * *

 

        Upon returning to his room finally, Nine felt more confused and conflicted than he ever can recall in his life. Queen told him to go to that guy’s grave- which he did -yet he felt like there was an emptiness inside him now. He couldn’t remember that guy no matter what, yet Nine found himself wishing he just could.

        “Whatever…” he mumbled, tossing off his uniform jacket and sitting on the edge of his bed.

        As he sat, a little notebook fell to the floor along with some papers. Looking down at the floor, he soon realized that the papers were pictures. Grabbing them, Nine’s eyes grew wide due to them being pictures on Kurasame along with a few of them both. Examining the back of them, there was a little note on each of them.

 _ No matter how hard I try, I can’t hit the fucker! _ was written behind one of the former commander in the middle of the training grounds with an amused look in his eyes as he looked up from his book.

 _ Even though he talks I can’t seem to actually hear what he says. It’s like I’m in a trance or some shit… _was written behind one where Kurasame seemed to be in front of class talking about something.

        But out of the many others, Nine couldn’t help but linger over the one where Kurasame seemed to be laying in bed asleep and without in mask on. His burns and scars could be seen and though disturbing to some, oddly beautiful to the teenager. _Moments like this makes me hate the damn Crystal and this fucking war… I wish I could just stay here with him for the rest of my life…_

        All these photos caused the emptiness to grow even more. Nine couldn’t understand why he had all these photos, but his heart just hurt while tears threatened to fall. After putting the rest of the pictures aside, he reached down and grabbed the little notebook that fell, opening it to realize it was his journal. Going to the first page, he eyes read over the dried ink.

_Who would have thought, me falling for that damn bastard. I swore that I wouldn’t get involved with anyone or let people truly in, yet it was if he fucking kicked them down without any warning. I don’t know when or exactly how I started feeling this way towards him, but it is too late to go back to thinking how life used to be. I can’t get him out of my head, he’s disrupting my sleep, his voice ring in my ears… I got it real bed yo…_

_But… though he may die or that he will never feel the same for a fucked up teenager like me, I don’t want to forget him…_

        Flipping through the pages, he stopped and read another.

_It was a fucking set-up yo! We didn’t kill that lady! What’s worse is that Kurasame ain’t answering anything! We’re trying to get the fuck out of here, get back to Arcadia but it is like we are on a whole another planet! I can’t figure out what’s worst, being stuck at this damn cabin in the middle of who the fuck knows, or that Kurasame isn’t trying to reach us or shit…_

_Dammit all!_

        Flipping through the pages once more, he stopped at the very last writing he had.

_Tonight may be the last with him… Because of us he has to go into battle. It’s a damn suicide mission! he isn’t young and all like he used to be in the legends of him! Yet no matter what I say, he is determined on staying here. Maybe we could run off and live in like that abandoned cabin or somewhere, but he won’t do that either!  … the truth is, I’m scared. I’m more scared than anytime I can remember in my entire life. He could die, and if so I won’t remember him… I won’t remember out moments… I won’t remember loving him…_

_I won’t have him by my side anymore… I w___, _a__ __is _u___ng-_

        The rest of the words seemed to be blended together by what appeared to be tears. Along with the tears now falling from his face, there was no way he could even begin to try and figure out what he wrote.

        “DAMMIT!” Nine yelled, throwing the notebook at a wall.

        With rage and anger taking over his soul, Nine begun throwing things around his room and summoning his spear to throw at the door when someone tried to open it. Cries of frustration and pain left the blonde while it felt as if he was dying on the inside. He was in love with Kurasame, the commanding officer who in records was a jerk that didn’t helped them when Class 0. Yet if that was so, then how could nine be in love with him? How could the teen feel all these emotions even though Kurasame was gone? How come he wished he could remember all the times with Kurasame?...

        Nine grabbed something and went to throw it, but seeing it was a long sleeved black shirt he just couldn’t. Instead he dropped to his knees and held it close. Even though he couldn’t remember, he knew it had to have been Kurasame. Smelling it, there was still a faint scent that was comforting the the blonde.

        “Damn you Crystal…” he mumbled as tears left his eyes. “You’re suppose to guide us and know what’s best and shit, but because of you he’s gone forever…”

* * *

 

        With most of the residence in Arcadia asleep, Nine snuck out and could be found in the cemetery with the moonlight as his only source of light. However, he remembered where the headstone was at. What was just another stone earlier today was now something so painful and sacred.

        “Yo…” he whispered, sitting down in front of it. “Y’know, I cried over you… Actually wreck my entire room and apparently nearly killed Deuce with my spear. But the worse is that I can’t even remember your fucking voice.”

        A bitter laugh escaped the blonde before silence engulfed it. The teen didn’t know exactly what to do, to say, or even why he even came. The only thing he did know was that he wanted to come back here. It was the only place he would be able to be with Kurasame from now on, even though it will be torturous.

        “Why… Why the hell did you go off to that battle?! Even though I can’t remember, I read that I didn’t want you to! Even now with the memories erased thanks to the Crystal, I know it is what I still want! I can’t remember anything about you but I know you were what made me happy, what made me change, what made me-” Taking a deep breath, Nine tried to calm down before he yelled any louder. With his throat tightening up, he continued in a whisper. “...what made me actually appreciate life. Yeah, I have the others and mother to fight for but I just know that I had a deeper meaning thanks to you. I can’t remember, but I have so many letters and pictures it is as I could truly never forget. Without you here and without the memories, I feel so empty… so dead inside…”

        Unable to hold back anymore, he broke out into tears once again. Gripping the one thing he has of Kurasame in his hands- Kurasame’s shirt -he left out his emotions once again. This time without anger and frustration surfacing, his deeper emotions of sorrow and pain truly showed.

        “I know I love you, even though I can’t fucking remember you…”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story guys.  
> Please, do let me know if I should continue it or not. If I do continue it, I'll probably make another story where it is the memories in which Nine no longer has.  
> Again, I hoped you enjoyed it!
> 
> ~until next time my lovely tears~


End file.
